Monday, February 06, 2012

i've forgotten the sense of comfort i feel when i'm writing here. it's like talking to... a puppy (hahaha). you know, how you just talk and talk, and the puppy stares right at you back, completely not understanding anything you're saying, but it still stays there, waiting on your every word. that's how it feels.

and while i was going to write about a certain boy at work who is clearly infatuated with another (well, i have to say it just to let it out!), i'm not gonna go in detail.

rather, i am writing this to tell myself to get a grip. clean things up (especially the house, even when most of it isn't your mess). take care of yourself. and others. all those vouchers you took? -- photography, dancing, photo-book? --- use them. make yourself busy (and not forget about God).

okay?
okay :)

0 comments // 8:41 PM

Friday, January 06, 2012

i find myself staring at a dating service for the first time in my life.

right now, i find myself at 32 and alone. 31 years before that, i hadn't minded a single life. but during a 2011 february night out with a few friends, i dared to venture and 'be not myself' for once, and found it was nice to kiss someone. it was nice to BE with someone.
on the other hand, my sister has had a steady boyfriend for a few years now, and has been regularly visiting the other place far more often than staying here with me. i don't begrudge her of that and am honestly happy for her. and i will leave it at that.

what makes me sad is that i think i've tried to make myself, what, better? i've been more careful with makeup and skin care, been more selective with wardrobe choices (i think). haven't still learned to cook much though. but truth is, i've just felt i'm unattractive, despite what other people say.

i dunno. i guess i do want to be in a relationship now. there, i've said it.

so now i come once more to the first line of this post.
do i take the leap or not?

0 comments // 12:55 AM

Sunday, January 01, 2012

another 1 1/2 years later...

it's jan1, 2012.
holy shit, time just flew.

and are we making a pattern here? lol

well, i just made an almost final list of new year's resolution. i think i really have to add this one -- make a decision on what to do with this blog!

a big part of me wants to just scrap it all together. make a fresh start. but at the same time, i loathe letting go of this. it's part of the journey of who i was and who i am (though i would necessarily say its part of who i will become...). because i need to know if i am making progress. because i need to remember things that happened (and let's face it, my memory is not really the best). there's an old filipino saying that goes (translated version -->) "whoever doesn't look to where he came from, doesn't know where he is going", and i agree with that.

hmm...
we'll see. i think i need to read up on my past entries and see from there.

anyway, happy new year! :)

0 comments // 1:26 PM

Friday, June 18, 2010

1 1/2 years later...

hello, my neglected blog. hello, nonexistent readers.
i'm back :)

i feel like i have to explain a lot about myself... but like inigo montoya of 'princess bride', no, let me sum it up.
- i got a job! yey!
- i am now renting a unit by myself! (well, the sis came with me)
- i have my own car!
- i got into a car accident (hence the new car) -- came out almost unscathed (thank God!)

anyway, today is the 2nd day of a much needed 5-day break from work. like all vacations, it will go by fast, but i would like to think i am taking advantage of it as much as i can (though writing in a blog suggests otherwise -- this girl's got nothing to do!). and so it happened, that during my free time, i revisited this blog. thought about revamping it, or even just dropping it and starting a new one.

ugh. it feels daunting just thinking about it.
and i feel it won't solve anything of what i feel at the moment.

despite some things falling in place (as i hoped they would), i still feel there are parts of my life is still missing. perhaps i miss writing. or reading for leisure. or going to church (admittedly, not the regular going type). i feel a sort of detachment from everything, regressing to a state where i'm back to merely observing than participating.

perhaps this is all part of a normal cycle when the human body finds itself repositioned in a new environment with a new set of routines. i'm used to it -- given that my family has moved several times during my early childhood -- but i think it somehows explains the detachment that i feel. somehow, i'm conscious of the fact that things do not remain permanent, except for change.

what i hope to do is give myself some direction as to what i want or where i want to head off. this line of thought really came from a book i just picked up at a local thrift store, which suggests having some goal in mind, to not be drowned by the daily routines that i tend to always rush in doing, work or no-work.

thus, i've decided to simply pick up where i left this blog at. a new blog is always nice to have, like a fresh start, but i guess... i guess i need to remember this. and many others. because as it will turn out, a new blog also has possibility of having the same posts like this one i'm writing now, right? so i say, let MY history stand. let me see where i came from, to know where i can go to.

0 comments // 11:48 PM