Friday, January 06, 2012

i find myself staring at a dating service for the first time in my life.

right now, i find myself at 32 and alone. 31 years before that, i hadn't minded a single life. but during a 2011 february night out with a few friends, i dared to venture and 'be not myself' for once, and found it was nice to kiss someone. it was nice to BE with someone.
on the other hand, my sister has had a steady boyfriend for a few years now, and has been regularly visiting the other place far more often than staying here with me. i don't begrudge her of that and am honestly happy for her. and i will leave it at that.

what makes me sad is that i think i've tried to make myself, what, better? i've been more careful with makeup and skin care, been more selective with wardrobe choices (i think). haven't still learned to cook much though. but truth is, i've just felt i'm unattractive, despite what other people say.

i dunno. i guess i do want to be in a relationship now. there, i've said it.

so now i come once more to the first line of this post.
do i take the leap or not?

0 comments // 12:55 AM

Sunday, January 01, 2012

another 1 1/2 years later...

it's jan1, 2012.
holy shit, time just flew.

and are we making a pattern here? lol

well, i just made an almost final list of new year's resolution. i think i really have to add this one -- make a decision on what to do with this blog!

a big part of me wants to just scrap it all together. make a fresh start. but at the same time, i loathe letting go of this. it's part of the journey of who i was and who i am (though i would necessarily say its part of who i will become...). because i need to know if i am making progress. because i need to remember things that happened (and let's face it, my memory is not really the best). there's an old filipino saying that goes (translated version -->) "whoever doesn't look to where he came from, doesn't know where he is going", and i agree with that.

hmm...
we'll see. i think i need to read up on my past entries and see from there.

anyway, happy new year! :)

0 comments // 1:26 PM